Tuckson Holiday
by MarigoldMusings
Summary: Close-to-canon Thanksgiving with Ed, Olivia, and Noah. Possibly a holiday trilogy...
1. Thanksgiving

**A Very #Tuckson Thanksgiving**

 _I'm in the holiday spirit. This fic takes place right now, in the middle of "it's _" (you fill in the blank, I HATE that word), and is as close to canon as I could possibly make it. Enjoy and Happy Thanksgiving!_

… _.._

Barba asked Carmen to hold his calls. The dutiful assistant nodded and left her boss and Lieutenant Benson alone behind the closed door and drawn blinds. Barba extracted his whiskey from a nearby credenza, poured two tumblers, and handed one to Benson who was sitting contentedly on the leather sofa. After a morning of back-and-forth with defense attorneys, both sides reached an acceptable plea deal; however, much to Benson's displeasure, the punishment wasn't anywhere near what it could have been had they had more reliable evidence.

"Five years and a lifetime on the registry," Barba muttered, "I don't like this. I don't like what we've been doing lately. Seems—for every allegation, every crime, there's a million ways out for the perp and the vic is forced to choose between bad and worse."

Benson took a contemplative sip, wincing slightly at the initial burn. "It's not what _we've_ been doing. We're playing the cards we're dealt. But, it has been a rough few months. All around."

"How's Noah?"

Olivia appreciated the change of subject. "He's good. We have a couple more school interviews before the end of the month, so, we'll see."

"They still saying he's having trouble?"

"Since that first interview went… _not well_ …his day care teachers have been working with him more one-on-one and so has Lucy. He talks, we have conversations, he's smart…he's just… _quiet_. Part of that's, it's just been the two of us. But, the last visit went well, so I'll be optimistic for now." She reached for the bottle and poured a little more. "Thanks for asking. Going to your mom's tomorrow?"

"Yes. Cuban Thanksgiving. A couple dozen friends and family and food for five hundred." Barba unbuttoned his vest. "I can feel myself expanding already. What about you?"

Chewing the inside of her mouth, Benson replied, "We're going to…the Bronx. To have dinner with Ed's family."

Barba suppressed a grin. Part of him wanted to tease his friend, but he knew all had not been totally well in her personal life lately. "That sounds… _serious_?"

Olivia breathed into her glass. "It is."

Her reticence only made him more intent on excavating information. "Good serious?"

"I think so."

"Liv?"

She raised her eyebrows. _What?_

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Then, seeing the disappointment in his eyes, Olivia relented. "There's not much to talk about. Ed, he's…he makes me so happy," her voice started to waver, "but, when we got back to real life, after Paris, it felt like…we drifted apart. His job. My job. Noah."

Barba studied her with a tiny, knowing smirk. "And Dodds."

"And Dodds." She repeated mournfully.

"Liv, he's probably always going to be in the back of your mind. But, do you really want to look back ten, fifteen, twenty years from now and kick yourself for shutting out someone who loves you because you feel guilty?" The words could have possibly been construed in the wrong way, so Barba continued in a more delicate tone, "I know guilt, Liv. I know it all too well. It's all-consuming. Don't do that to yourself."

Olivia forced a sardonic laugh, "He's relentless. I think part of it is, he's not going away. And I expect him to. Sometimes I want to ask him, _what is wrong with you_? Why in the world are you here, with me…and all the baggage that comes with _that_ … _and_ this little boy…who will always be my priority. But every time. Every time I think, okay, this is it, this can't possibly last. There he is. And I don't get it."

She lifted her tear-filled eyes and saw Barba's compassionate, concerned expression.

"He's there because you're worth it, Liv." He touched the rim of his glass to hers and took a sip. "Happy Thanksgiving."

…..

Ed and Noah said goodbye to Lucy and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving before setting up the bowling pins. Ed parked himself behind the pins, resetting them and rolling the ball back to Noah after each throw. Earlier, Olivia called him and reported she was running late. Instead of asking Lucy to stay longer, Ed insisted he didn't mind staying with Noah. He _wanted_ to be there. Olivia fought back further protest and agreed, although she promised to get home as soon as possible.

"Good one, Noah!" Ed stretched back to retrieve the ball which had caromed away erratically.

Noah laughed and jumped up and down, impressed that he'd demolished most of the pins in one try. Ed reset the pins, but, instead of rolling the ball, Noah walked over and handed it to him. "You go."

"Alright. I'll give it a try."

Noah took Ed's spot and shouted "YAY!" after Ed rolled a strike. Noah put the pins upright and commanded, "Again!"

Another strike.

"YAY! GOOD JOB!"

At the sound of keys in the lock, both Ed and Noah turned to the door to greet a smiling Olivia as she entered.

"Sounds like someone's having a good time." She remarked. "Hi sweet Noah! You bowling with Ed?"

Noah nodded, smiled, and offered her the ball. "Mommy, throw!"

Ed gallantly took her coat and bag and hung them on the rack. The outdoor chill lingered on her body and garments. "Temp droppin' out there? It wasn't that cold earlier."

"Yeah," she replied, "And windy. Let's…let's stay in tonight."

"Sounds good. We'll order in."

"Mommy!" Noah tapped the ball impatiently against Olivia's leg.

Ed looked down at Noah and then winked at Olivia. "Uh, it's your turn. And, um, we've kinda been on fire, so let's see whatcha got."

"Alright," Olivia said in a cocky voice, "I'll roll one strike then I have to get out of these clothes."

Ed peered at her flirtatiously, smirking. "Fine with me."

….

"Are you sure this isn't too casual?"

Ed and Noah watched the Macy's Parade on the couch while Olivia prepped and now she joined them, fully dressed and ready to go. Noah paid her little attention, but Ed stared at her, gaping and then smiling, loving the sight of Lieutenant Benson as simply _Olivia_ -in torn jeans and an oversized light brown-and-white striped oxford. Her hair, styled in loose spirals framed her face, and earth-toned makeup gave her eyes and cheekbones an extra pop.

"It isn't…and…you are… _stunning_." He got up and approached her slowly, still examining, noticing her accessories now—a gold cuff bracelet, the beaded bracelet he'd given her, a simple gold necklace, and teardrop-shaped earrings. She started to blush, embarrassed by the attention, but when he put his arms around her waist she stepped into his embrace and angled her neck back, making him work for the ensuing kiss. "Gorgeous." He whispered before kissing her lightly on her freshly glossed lips.

"Thank you." She said, her voice barely audible. "I'm ready whenever you are."

Ed took a peek at Noah and, seeing him still entranced by the floats and music, went for another, more passionate smooch that ended with a smack and a collective gasp.

"I meant…ready to go to your mom's, not ready to," she nodded in the direction of the bedroom, "Go back _there_."

It was good to see her in a jovial, almost-sassy mood. "I'm always ready for that," he retorted. "But, Ma will be disappointed if we don't show up."

"Later."

"Yeah. Later." He had one more thing to say before releasing her from his grasp. "Liv, I'm really glad you're coming. It means a lot."

Her eyes fluttered closed and opened again. "I know. It means a lot that you want us there. Are you…sure it's enough to bring those bottles of wine?"

Ed took the hint. Now was not the time for a serious relationship status discussion. "Absolutely. And Noah. Actually, as long as we bring Noah, we're good." Ed's mother had met both Olivia and Noah once before and instantly fell in love with the toddler.

"Okay, we're all set then." Olivia reached behind her back and loosened Ed's grip, taking his hands and kissing each of them in turn. "Noah, c'mon. Let's get your coat on."

She re-tucked Noah's hunter green plaid shirt into his khakis and smoothed his hair before zipping him into the parka. Next came his brown boots. Since the weather was currently balmy, she shoved his mittens and hat in the coat pockets for later. She shouldered her purse, Noah's bag, and grabbed the shopping bag containing a bottle of red and one of white. Ed stopped her as she reached for the car seat.

"I got it," he said.

Olivia was used to taking all of it—her things, Noah's things, the car seat, and, of course her son—but it pleasantly surprised her how nice it was to have Ed shoulder part of the load.

…

There were fifteen people present at the Tucker family Thanksgiving dinner. In Olivia's mind, it was the perfect number—large enough to avoid constant attention on her and Noah but not so loud that it was impossible to converse as one large group. They ate at two separate tables, the main dining table and a folding one which Ed's mother referred to as the kids' table even though the youngest "kid" other than Noah was sixteen. Having had many young children in and out of her house for years, Caroline had a booster seat and securely affixed it to a sturdy chair for Noah. Olivia hesitated to let him sit away from her, but he eagerly clambered into the seat with Ed's assistance. and Ed's nieces and nephews graciously included him in their conversation and helped him navigate the meal when necessary. Among those family members not in attendance were Ed's daughter who was studying abroad in Europe and one of Ed's brothers who was at his in-laws' home for the holiday.

Before Ed's older brother carved the turkey, Caroline initiated a toast.

"I'm so happy everyone's here," she said in a voice thick from years of smoking, "And I'm not going to make everyone say what they're thankful for, but I will say that I'm thankful for my wonderful children and grandchildren who are always so kind to their old grandma. And, Olivia, I'm thankful you're here and you're putting up with Eddie…even if it's just for tonight so I can see Noah."

Everyone at both tables broke into polite laughter. Ed inconspicuously squeezed Olivia's leg, hoping she wasn't too uncomfortable, but she laughed right along with everyone else and cast a quick, supervisory glance at Noah who appeared to be having the time of his life.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Caroline announced and the guests echoed her words before taking sips of their wine. "Dig in!"

Throughout the meal, Olivia underwent a powerful intrapersonal transformation. Being in the cluttered but cozy Bronx home that had obviously seen decades of Tucker family Thanksgivings and Christmases brought to her a solace that had always been elusive—the comfort of being surrounded by family. Until this very moment, she was almost certain scenes like the one she currently enjoyed existed only in movies or in television commercials, but here she was, passing around platters of food and bantering back and forth with Ed and his family as if they'd known each other their whole lives. At the other table her son giggled and played with his food, turning himself into an absolute mess of mashed potatoes and gravy and cranberry sauce. The younger Tuckers snapped pictures of him and asked for Olivia's number so they could text the photos to her. By the end of the night her notifications were full of silly selfies she would keep forever, and her heart burst with a myriad of emotions. All of a sudden, she allowed herself to be optimistic about the future and to promise herself that no longer would she doubt her ability to simultaneously be a good cop, a good mother, and a good, _gulp_ , _wife_? She sensed that was Ed's end game, but she knew he wouldn't bring it up unless he was certain she was ready. She brushed his thigh under the table and gave him a quick peck on the lips when he turned to her. They locked eyes for a quick but extremely intense couple of seconds. She cocked an eyebrow. He smirked.

 _I'm ready_.

When the pumpkin pie was served and Caroline put a gigantic slice in front of Noah, Ed balked. " _Ma_. He's not gonna eat all that!"

"Oh, stop it, Eddie. Lighten up. He doesn't have to eat it all."

"Yeah, Uncle Ed," one of the teenage nephews said as he shook the can of Reddi-whip, "It's the holidays!" He proceeded to spray a heaping pile of whipped cream atop the pie. Noah gawked at the portion and glanced doubtfully at his mother as if he couldn't believe she was allowing this to happen.

Caroline handed him a child-sized spoon. "Here, sweetie."

Again, Noah looked at Olivia.

"Go ahead, sweet boy." She cooed.

Ed put his hand on her shoulder and they watched blissfully as Noah attempted to put a dent in the dessert.

….

Each year Tucker clean-up responsibilities alternated between the old and the young, and this year the burden fell to the older crowd. Olivia wiped Noah down and laughed when Caroline teased her.

"Sorry, dearie, cleaning the kid doesn't count." She summoned a niece, "Allie, c'mere. Take Noah and pick out the movie."

"Movie?" Olivia asked as she started clearing the table.

"Now Christmas begins," Caroline explained as she poured unfinished water into one glass and then stacked the empty glasses in a precariously tall tower. "Glad Noah's here…we don't feel quite so childish watching Charlie Brown Christmas if we have an actual child present. But," she added with a shrug, "You never know what they'll choose."

Washing dishes didn't take long due to the efficient assembly line and once everything was in order, Caroline excused herself to go smoke.

"Want some company?" Olivia asked politely.

"You don't smoke, do you?"

"No," she replied, regretting asking, thinking maybe the smoke break was also a nice way for Caroline to get a few minutes of quiet.

"I didn't think so," she grinned, "As much as Eddie bothers me about this…sure…usually the cold's a deterrent. C'mon."

Olivia grabbed her coat and joined Caroline on the back deck. The older woman smoked long menthol cigarettes and she alternated her puffs with sips of bourbon. Olivia had a glass as well.

"Like that stuff?" Caroline asked.

"I do. I never drank it on a regular basis until I met Ed, well, not _met_ Ed," Olivia stammered a bit, struggling to differentiate between the two phases of their relationship.

Caroline patted Olivia's arm. "He told me all about it."

"Oh."

"Eddie's a good boy," Caroline said, "He's just…he's always been so, what's the word? _Reluctant_ I guess, to really be himself. He's always been so wary of other people. Assumes the worst. I think he got that from his father. Coming directly from Ireland? Thick accent? He always thought people were trying to get the better of him."

"How long ago did he pass away?"

"Ten years now. Miss him every day."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," she took a long drag and blew a long stream of smoke expertly away from Olivia. "I miss him, sure, but I don't regret a day of our marriage. I loved that man from the minute I met him and I've never been with anyone else. And I never will. I was lucky."

Olivia pressed her lips together in a pensive smile.

"And so are you and Eddie," Caroline added, a twinkle in her eye.

"What's that?"

"I haven't seen him like this in a long time," she stubbed out her cigarette in a small tin bucket. "So relaxed. Smiling, joking, laughing. He's _himself_ again. Sure, he'll always have that deep sense of right and wrong, trust me on that one, but, my Eddie's back. I have no idea about the particulars, but whatever happened to make you two get together…that's luck, sweetheart."

Rendered nearly speechless, Olivia sighed, " _Wow_."

"Hadn't realized that yet?"

"Not…not exactly."

"Well," She gave Olivia a side hug and led her back inside, "Good thing ya came over today then."

…

Noah stayed awake through _Frosty the Snowman_ which he had never seen before and now, judging by the number of times he exclaimed "Frosty!" was probably going to be added to Olivia's Netflix queue.

"Okay," Ed's brother hoisted himself from the couch, "Whadda we playin?"

Olivia looked at Ed inquisitively. "Cards are next," he said, "But, if you're ready to go—"

"No, no," she interjected with a smile, "Let me get Noah into his PJs first."

Across the room Noah was curled up in the recliner with Caroline. Minutes ago his eyes were bright and wide awake but now, as the end credits rolled, he appeared ready to surrender to sleep.

Olivia started to get up, but Caroline waved her off. "I'll do it. Eddie, I'll put him in the girls' room on the trundle. He'll be fine."

"Thanks," Olivia said and settled back in at Ed's side.

"You okay with that?" Ed whispered even though they were practically alone. Everyone else had drifted into bathrooms, the kitchen for more drinks, and the dining area.

"Yes." She tilted her head, inviting a kiss which he was all too happy to provide. "Very okay."

"Lemme know when you get sick of all of this. We can go whenever."

"I'm not sick of it."

Ed had his arm slung across her shoulder blades and he caressed her upper arm, "At least we didn't have to do the _what is everyone thankful for_ thing."

Olivia wondered if Caroline had chosen to omit the ritual because of her presence but Ed shook his head.

"She used to do it when the grandkids were younger, like middle school age, and didn't appreciate a thing."

"Well, I was prepared," Olivia said.

"You were?"

"I'm thankful for you, Ed. For us."

Her words caused Ed's breath to hitch in his throat; he hadn't expected such a heartfelt remark. In fact, after the past few weeks, he hadn't expected her to honor her promise to attend Thanksgiving dinner. He thought she was slipping away.

"I…I like the _us_."

"Me too."

They were millimeters away from another kiss when the stairs creaked under Caroline's steps and she announced Noah was sound asleep.

"A little Too-Ra-Loo and he was out like a light," she said proudly, "Works every time."

Ed smiled, thinking of his mother's raspy voice singing the Irish Lullaby and Noah drifting off to sleep as she rocked him in the century-old chair. She hadn't had a young one around in a while, and she was positively in heaven.

"You know it, Eddie," she continued, "I can't believe you haven't sung it to him before."

Olivia stood and offered a hand to help him up, "Yeah, you'll have to remember that, Ed. Could come in handy one of these days."

Caroline drifted into the next room. As Ed and Olivia shared another kiss, they heard her admonish a grandchild for taking her traditional seat and smiled with their lips still touching.

"Cards," she whispered.

"Cards."

"I'm serious about you remembering to sing him that song."

He smiled again, this time with a hint of timidity.

"Okay."

"OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT!"

Alarmed, Olivia grabbed Ed's hand and they joined everyone else in the dining room where Caroline was frantically rifling through drawers. Finally, she triumphantly produced a stack of index cards and a few pens. "Here, Allie, pass these out. We have to draw Christmas names."

Ed rubbed Olivia's back and explained yet another Tucker tradition. "Christmas presents. Gets too much for everyone to buy gifts for everyone, so we draw names."

Allie gave Olivia two cards. "One for you and one for Noah," she instructed and then moved on.

Touched that she and her son were included, Olivia accepted the cards with a shaky hand while looking to Ed for reassurance. He mouthed, "Go ahead," and wrote his name on one card and his daughter's name on the other. Olivia did the same with her name and Noah's then handed the cards back to Allie.

"Okay," Caroline instructed. "Let's draw. Remember, you can't buy for your immediate family, so, for example, if Eddie draws Olivia, he has to put that back and draw again."

Ed cringed. He was sure Olivia would recoil at this familial intimacy. Surely she would later pull him aside and ask that he get her out of this arrangement. There was no—

Olivia drew a card. "Oh-have to draw again. Got Noah." She tossed the card back to the center of the table and took another. "This is secret, right?"

"Yep! Until Christmas!"

She tucked the card into her pocket. "Okay. I'm good."

…

Several rounds of gin rummy later, Ed and Olivia gathered Noah from the bedroom, hugged and thanked Caroline, said a hushed farewell to everyone else, and headed to the car. Ed gently placed Noah in his car seat, buckled him in, and got out of the way so Olivia could cover him with his blanket. The warm-ish November day descended into a blustery, near-freezing night and the car's interior was frigid.

"Shoulda warmed it up," Ed muttered regretfully.

"He'll be fine," Olivia said as she extracted herself from the backseat and gently shut the door.

Ed was standing an arm's length away, hands in the pockets of his leather jacket, adorably unsure of himself.

Olivia tightened the belt of her own trench and shivered a little. "Okay. Ready?"

"Not yet." Ed reached out for her with both arms. One hand became entangled in her hair as he gently guided her head to his and the other came to rest on the small of her back. Olivia moaned into his mouth when he parted his lips, but the kiss became so passionate, so deep, that neither she nor Ed vocalized any coherent sound in the ensuing seconds.

He pressed his forehead to hers when they finally broke away from one another and murmured, "I love you, Liv."

She grinned, "I love you… _Eddie_."

He pretended to frown but then lost his nerve and started laughing. "You're gonna get it for that when we get home."

Olivia gave his chest a friendly smack and winked. "Looking forward to it."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Liv. It was a good one."

"It was."

"And the secret Santa thing, you don't—"

"Stop," she said softly and let her hands fall from his chest to his hips. Her eyes dazzled in the light from the moon and the street lamps. "I'm looking forward to that, too."

….

 **#Tuckson**

 **I may make this a trilogy—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years—if the reviews indicate that's something people would like.**

 **#EndGame**


	2. Christmas

**A Very #Tuckson Christmas—This is probably a bit overkill on the fluffiness but I don't care. It's the holidays! I have, however, tried to stay pretty much within canon. Merry Christmas!**

Someone in the Special Victims Unit had clearly been captured by the holiday spirit. Garland hung on every ledge and sill. On each detectives' desk sat some type of holiday trinket. Carisi had a snowman, Rollins had a Santa, and Fin propped Ken's Christmas card against the old NYPD mug he used to hold his pencils and pens. In one corner sat a fake Christmas tree and Rollins and Carisi decorated it with colored lights, tinsel, and a cheap set of ornaments they bought at Duane Reade. The Lieutenant hung a wreath on her door and swapped the photo of Noah sitting on the soccer ball with one of him on Santa's lap. Carisi offered to string lights around the perimeter of her office but Olivia politely declined.

With the days becoming shorter and a recent spate of overcast weather, it was nearly dark when Captain Tucker strolled into the squad room late that afternoon. Tucker's presence surprised no one. Fin and Rollins smiled politely and said hello. Carisi rushed over and shook his hand.

"Merry Christmas, Captain!"

Slightly taken aback by Carisi's friendly nature, Ed took a second to adjust to the beaming young detective's warmth but he finally offered a hint of a smile and replied, "Merry Christmas to you."

"Date night?"

Tucker's smile grew, "Not exactly." He looked around Carisi towards Benson's office. The blinds were drawn and the door was closed. "She in there?"

"Yep. She's been on a call for a while, but," Carisi looked at his phone. All lines were now open. "Looks like she's done!"

Tucker mumbled his thanks and went to knock on her door. He rapped the window lightly and heard her faint "come in." Having expected a member of her squad, Olivia broke into a huge grin at the sight of her boyfriend.

"You're early." She peeled off her reading glasses, backed away from her desk, and rose to her feet. "Not that I'm complaining about that."

They stepped toward one another. Olivia made up her mind to kiss him, but Ed was unsure of how much affection she considered appropriate for her office.

"Yeah, I cut out early, and—"

Her lips were on his before he could finish the sentence, and she sucked on his bottom lip a little as she pulled away causing him to break into the classic Tucker smirk.

"What were you going to say?" Olivia cooed.

Ed licked his lips, "I cut out early hoping for _that_ ," he replied, still a little dazed.

"Oh. Well. Lucky you." She played with his tie, "I like the green." The festive accessory was way out of Tucker's fashion comfort zone and she appreciated the effort.

"Thanks."

Ed expected Olivia to retreat back to her desk, but she didn't move. In fact, he felt her hands clasp around his waist.

"You wanna get a drink before we go?"

Ed furrowed his brow. "You sure you want to show up under the influence?"

Olivia shrugged. "Just one. We won't be the only adults there who snuck a pre-show cocktail."

"Okay. Ready now?"

She leaned in for another kiss, "I am."

Olivia closed her laptop and grabbed her bag. On the way out of the office she took Tucker's arm, once again throwing him for a loop.

"Where you two headed lookin' all merry and bright?" Fin asked, grinning slyly.

"A…musical performance," Olivia said with a smile, "At Noah's day care."

…

The children concluded the show with a rousing yet somewhat garbled rendition of _We Wish You a Merry Christmas_ and then, after a few words from their teachers, they were released to find their parents. Noah ran over to Olivia and Ed. He had one hand on his construction-paper reindeer antlers to keep it from falling and covering his eyes. The headgear stayed on while he was standing still and singing, but it flopped around uncontrollably whenever he moved.

"Hey there, sweet boy!" Olivia picked him up and wrapped him in a bear hug. "Great concert!"

"You hear jingle bells?"

"Sure did, bud," Ed cupped Noah's head, "Sounded great!"

"And I love Rudolph," Olivia said, "You were nice and loud with that one."

Noah just smiled and played with Olivia's necklace as she smoothed his hair.

"Liv, are we staying for the reception?"

"Reception?" She followed Ed's gaze to the other end of the small multipurpose room where trays of cookies and punch were set up on plastic tables. "Um, I didn't know about it, but, Noah, you want a cookie before we go home?"

"Yes!" He replied enthusiastically. "Fru' punch, too!"

Ed smiled at him, "Kids musta had a sneak peek."

They made their way over to the tables and nodded politely to the volunteers overseeing the snacks. Maybe it was the small venue, but the place seemed overly crowded for a small day care. Olivia exchanged a few pleasantries with Noah's teachers and they thanked her for the Christmas gift she'd sent with Lucy that morning. Noah was still munching on his cookie when she told Ed they could leave.

It was still early; however, the sky was almost black and the streets dazzled with the glow of Christmas window displays. Ed and Olivia each held one of Noah's hands, and he stopped them at almost every store to ooh and ahh at the elaborate holiday scenes. At this rate, it would be time for the late evening news by the time they got back to the Benson apartment.

"C'mon, sweet Noah." Olivia tugged on his hand, but Noah, entranced by a toy train driven by snowman, refused to budge.

"Wanna see!" He protested, gripping the ledge and trying to pull himself up for a better view.

Ed knelt down to his level, "How 'bout I put you on my shoulders, bud? Then you can see everything from up high!"

 _And we can move along at a quicker pace_ , Olivia thought, feeling a little guilty.

Noah agreed and Ed deftly hoisted him onto his shoulders. "Wanna head over to Fifth? Gonna be crowded, but, at least see Saks? It's supposed to be amazing this year."

Olivia happily agreed. "Great idea. And we can stop at Rockefeller Center, too. I haven't taken him to see the tree yet and I asked Lucy to hold off on it so I could see it with him."

Ed raised his eyebrows, "Um, well, you wanna wait 'til it's just the two of you?"

"No," she answered swiftly, firmly, "I want the three of us to see it together."

Ed smirked at her, gave her a quick side hug and kiss, and then put his hands around Noah's ankles and continued down the street.

….

"Kissmas tree!"

Noah excitedly bounced up and down on Ed's shoulders as they made their way across Rockefeller Plaza. Down below, ice skaters glided around the rink, but the little boy was so fixated on the gigantic, ninety-four foot tall Norway Spruce.

"Lookit!" Ed encouraged. "All those lights!"

"All da lights," Noah echoed.

They found a spot off to the side and stood in silence, taking in the magnificent sight. The area milled with people, mostly tourists, but Olivia sidled up to Ed and, for a few minutes, was able to block out the cacophony around them. Confident Noah was secure, Ed draped his arm across Olivia's back, pulling her even closer, and his heart filled with warmth when he felt her head on his upper chest.

"I've lived in Manhattan my whole life," she murmured, "And I never get tired of seeing this."

"I hadn't bothered to come here for a long time," Tucker replied.

"Too cliché?"

"Nah. More like I didn't have a reason to."

Olivia leaned up for a quick kiss. "Now you do," she whispered.

"Yeah," he said with a smile and tried not to read too much into her comment. _Now you do._ Lately, Tucker spent a lot of time piecing together Olivia's words in an attempt to figure out where their relationship was headed. They'd been seeing each other for almost a year, but those months had been peppered with several stops and starts and rough patches. Whenever Olivia felt herself being spread too thin, she slammed on the breaks and reprioritized. Ed usually came in third place. He could handle that, but the uncertainty gnawed at him. Olivia couldn't seem to accept that it was possible for them to be a family and still be effective at their jobs. Right now, things between them were good and comfortable, but there was no telling when the next crisis would hit, sending their relationship backwards a few steps. Adding to the conundrum was Ed's reluctance to voice his concerns. He needed to figure out an innocuous way to broach the topic, but for right now he was content and hoped the next couple of days were drama-free.

Finally noticing the ice skaters, Noah kicked his feet and pointed, "Whassat?"

"Those people are ice skating, sweet boy."

Ed turned so Noah had a better view, "If I wasn't in this suit I'd take ya now, bud. But, we'll skate sometime soon, okay?"

"Kay!"

Olivia regarded Ed with some skepticism. "You're going to skate?"

"Yeah," he said casually, not sure where the uncertainty came from, "You're _not_?"

Challenged, Olivia steeled her jaw confidently, "I hope you can keep up with me."

A bit naughtily, he looked her up and down, "I think I can more than keep up with you, Benson."

There was that smile. The wide, genuine, carefree, Olivia Margaret Benson smile that he loved so much and didn't see nearly enough.

"C'mon," she said, "Let's go to Saks. We should be right on time for the next light show."

On the short walk over to Fifth Avenue, a few uniformed officers nodded to Tucker and Benson. The night was balmy for December and they both left their coats open, and their shields were conspicuous.

"Unis are getting a lot of overtime lately," Olivia remarked.

"And they will be. Indefinitely. As long as Trump's here and as long as those sonofabitches keep attacking civilians," Ed lowered his voice when using the profanity but it probably didn't matter. Noah's eyes were already fixated on Saks' Christmas light display. "That's horrible," Ed muttered, "What happened in Berlin. Horrible everywhere, but at Christmas? Those poor families."

Olivia loved this side of Tucker—the sensitive, introspective, big-hearted side, characteristics that he'd slowly revealed over the past year. It made her love him even more, and it made her feel guilty that, not long ago, she'd considered telling him maybe he was better off without her. Prior to Thanksgiving her life and job had been so hectic—murky cases and concerns about Noah's academic development left little time for Tucker. He was such a good man and he was committed to their relationship. Olivia believed in him with all her heart. The problem was, she didn't completely believe in herself.

"It makes me feel even more lucky," Olivia said, "Lately I've felt so safe."

She didn't need to say it; Tucker knew she was talking about his presence. He reached down for her hand and held it as the lights danced to the tune of _Carol of the Bells_. At the end of the two-minute show, Noah clapped furiously.

"Again!" He shouted.

Ed looked at Olivia, "Stay for one more round?"

"Sure."

They waited another ten minutes and laughed sweetly when Noah reacted the same way. He put up a minor fit when they hopped in a taxi, but Ed calmed him down by talking about ice skating and then Santa Claus. He and Olivia decided to order in, and Ed placed their take-out order over the phone as the taxi weaved across the congested midtown streets.

They ate informally on the couch with Noah moving back and forth between his toys and his dinner. Olivia cleared the remnants of their meal and was in the kitchen storing leftovers when she heard Noah's sweet voice ask Ed if he would help him build a tower with blocks. When Olivia returned, Ed was on the floor, explaining the importance of first constructing a stable base in order to maximize height. Noah listened intently, followed directions, and after the blocks were stacked a couple feet high he took his dump truck and rammed the structure. His game seemed to involve catching as many blocks as possible in the truck's bed.

It was no surprise that Noah didn't want to go to bed. He squirmed and whined when Olivia plucked him from the floor.

"Ed's going to be here with you all day tomorrow," she reminded him softly. "And tomorrow night, Santa comes."

Remembering the correlation between being a good boy and the number and quality of Santa's gifts, Noah quickly calmed down.

"Say goodnight to Ed," Olivia prompted.

"Night, night," Noah said softly, reached out, and squeezed Ed's neck.

"Night bud." He kissed the top of the boy's head. "See ya tomorrow."

Olivia put him down without any further fuss and took her usual spot next to Ed on the couch.

"Thank you for watching him tomorrow," she said, "I'll try to get out of there as soon as possible."

"Take your time," he said. "We'll be fine. And thank _you_. For trusting me with him."

"Of course. I…I never want you to feel like you're obligated to—"

Ed gently placed an index finger over her lips. " _Shhh_ ," he implored softly, "Enough of that." He kissed her lips tenderly and stared into her eyes as he pulled away, "Enough," he repeated, this time in a whisper.

"Okay."

"Okay," he echoed resolutely. "Now, come here," he cupped the back of her head so her lips were, once again, only millimeters from his, "I've been wanting to kiss you all day."

…..

The next morning, Christmas Eve, Ed lounged in bed as Olivia readied for work. She ping-ponged between the bathroom and the bedroom aware that Ed was watching but pretending not to notice. Still makeup-less and dressed in only her bra, panties, and camisole, she paused to give Ed a quick kiss.

"Thank you," he said, sounding truly grateful. He touched her cheek gently, "I like those freckles of yours."

She grinned at him and disappeared again, this time coming back with full makeup. Ed groaned when she pulled on her pants, buttoned her blouse, and grabbed a black and white tweed blazer.

"I can't believe Noah's still asleep," she said.

"He was up pretty late I guess. Right?"

"He was. Okay. I'll see you later." She gave him a tender goodbye kiss and he playfully refused to release her from his grasp. " _Captain_."

"Sorry."

"Bye."

"Bye. Oh, and Liv?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't go to Vermont again this year."

She sassily cocked an eyebrow, "I'll try to stay in-state."

….

Ed and Noah spent the morning playing on the floor, and, thanks to abnormally warm temperatures, went to the park for a bit in the afternoon. Ed pushed Noah on the swings, shadowed him on the slide, and chased him and the soccer ball around the open fields. When the sun began to set, Ed collected Noah and the toys he'd insisted on toting, and they went to the market to shop for dinner. Since he had the day off, Ed offered to cook rather than them going out or ordering in. Olivia agreed, albeit hesitantly. She and Ed were not exactly culinary experts.

Ed narrated as he led Noah through the market.

"Gonna a few different types of cheese, some fruit, crackers, we'll snack on that first. How's that sound?"

"Good!" Noah replied, eyeing the packages Ed tossed into their basket.

Next, they stopped at the butcher counter.

"I'm gonna be honest with ya," Ed told the attendant, "I need something foolproof."

The man smiled. "How about our beef tenderloin? It's already been marinated and rolled in peppercorns. All you need to do it roast it."

"Sold," Ed said with a smile and continued talking to Noah, "So we'll get some potatoes bud, mash 'em, and a vegetable. Mommy prolly wants us to have some vegetables. You want green beans?"

Noah wrinkled his nose.

The butcher overheard. "Buy some baby carrots," he suggested, "Put 'em in the roasting pan with the meat. They'll be perfect."

"Great, thanks, hey, any wine suggestions?"

"Head over there," he nodded in the direction of the wine racks, "Mark's over there. He'll help ya."

Having picked up all the necessary ingredients including dessert, two bottles of red wine, and one port, Ed and Noah entered the checkout line. Though burdened with a basket full of provisions, Ed held Noah's hand tightly.

"Ed?"

Tucker looked down. Noah held a gigantic candy bar in his hand.

"I have dis?"

"Sure pal, put it up here," Ed started unloading their items onto the conveyor belt. Noah stood on his tiptoes and tossed the sweet treat alongside everything else.

And then he hugged Ed's leg tightly and whispered, "Fank you."

The cashier was already scanning his items, but Ed had to fight back tears as Noah clutched his leg even more tightly.

"You're welcome, bud. Love you."

"Luvvvvvyou, Ed." He looked up with the most pure, innocent eyes, "We cook now?"

"Yep. We'll get everything started so when Mommy comes home she won't have to do anything but relax. Today and tomorrow we're gonna wait on her hand and foot."

"Hand and foot!" Noah exclaimed and then broke into giggles, repeating, "Hand and foot!"

…

Christmas Eve went according to plan. Olivia arrived home in the early evening, and the minute she stepped in the door she was greeted with the savory smell of the tenderloin. The lights in the apartment had been dimmed and there was a pleasant reddish-green glow enhanced by Apple Music's Children's Christmas Sing-a-long station and Noah, festively dressed in dark green corduroys and a red sweater, danced around, haphazardly crooning along with the lyrics.

Ed immediately served her a glass of wine and brought the cheese platter to the coffee table. Everything was in order—he'd already made the potatoes and the meat would be ready in about an hour. They sipped wine and reported on their days. Olivia's included purchasing wrapping paper for tomorrow's gift exchange at the Tucker matriarch's home.

"Are you sure everyone really sticks to the fifty dollar limit?" Olivia was nervous about underbuying for her Secret Santa recipient.

"Yes," Ed replied, "My mother threatens to take anything over fifty."

Caroline had strict rules. No gift cards. No lottery tickets. No cash. And also no lists. The Secret Santa process was every-man-for-himself, including people new to the game. Luckily, Noah had "drawn" Ed's brother who was a die-hard Jets fan, and Olivia drew Ed's nephew who was fascinated with Star Wars. Those gifts were easy for the first-timers.

"You _sure_?"

"Yes. But, expect my mom to have extra things for Noah."

" _Ed_."

"She insisted."

Olivia eyed Noah, "He's certainly going to have a nice Christmas."

"Good age for it though, huh?"

"I think so," she murmured. "I want…I want us to have a nice Christmas, too."

"We already are."

She smiled sweetly at him and leaned over for a kiss while he held her hands, "And you're going to be amazed with the dinner I've prepared."

Noah heard "dinner" and jumped up, "I help mommy! I help with cooking!"

"I can't wait to taste it, sweet boy."

They ate at the dining table. Noah sat in his new booster seat rather than the high chair and Ed, who didn't exactly trust the meat thermometer, was relieved when everything turned out perfectly. Eventually, he confessed that he'd received some help from the guy at the market, but Olivia barely heard him. With the apartment bathed in Christmas lighting, holiday jazz streaming from the speakers, a happy son at her side, and Ed Tucker smiling at her from across the table, her holiday was already perfect.

Using Santa as a bribe, they put Noah in bed at his usual time and got to work wrapping the last of his presents. Ed realized they forgot dessert, but Olivia told him it wasn't necessary. He opened the port anyway and they sipped on the sweet wine as they folded and taped and applied gigantic bows.

"That's a lot of presents," Ed remarked when they finished.

"It is."

He broke off a piece of cookie, ate it, and carefully broke off corners of the sugar cubes Noah left for Santa's reindeer. He poured some of the milk into the sink, and then got to work slowly writing a note in careful cursive. He placed the disturbed plate and the note on the coffee table, turned around, and saw Olivia standing in front of him with a small box in her hand.

"Here," she said.

"What's this? I thought we weren't opening anything til tomorrow?"

"I want you to have this now."

Ed tore off the wrapping and lifted the lid. Inside was a key. He picked it up gingerly and met Olivia's eyes.

"What's this?" He asked even though he knew exactly what it was.

"Your key," she responded.

" _Liv_."

She walked toward him. "I want you here," she said, her voice soft but firm, as much as you want to be."

Ed was having trouble finding the appropriate response. " _Liv_ ," he repeated.

"Put it on your key ring," she directed.

He walked over to the coat rack, fished his keys out of his jacket pocket, and complied. By the time he returned to where he was standing before, Olivia was there and she hugged him. "You've been so patient with me," she whispered in his ear. "And I want you to know that I've noticed. And I love you. And…I'm almost there."

Tucker briefly entertained the thought that this gesture was preemptive, that Olivia was merely trying to nix any plans for a Christmas marriage proposal. Ed had a ring, but he was not planning to propose on Christmas or New Year's or Valentine's Day or any other holiday. He was patient enough to wait for the perfect time, and that instance had not yet presented itself even though he was quite confident it was imminent.

"Thank you, Liv."

"You're welcome."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." She grabbed his hands and started walking toward the bedroom. "C'mon."

…

The Christmas crowd at Caroline's was slightly larger than what she'd had at Thanksgiving. All of her children were present this time as well as most of her grandchildren. Ed's daughter was still overseas, and the two eldest of the Tucker cousins were married and had other family obligations that day.

The party began at two in the afternoon, and Noah was asleep when they arrived. He slept late, but the excitement of Santa Claus visiting coupled with all his new toys overwhelmed him. Before Ed had a chance to put together his new train set or un-package his set of matchbox cars, Noah was reaching for his coat and requesting to go outside to try the scooter Santa had left in front of the tree adorned by a gigantic red bow.

"Okay, bud," Ed had said, "Hang on, lemme get my coat."

"Ed," Olivia objected, "You're not even dressed."

"I'm sure I won't be the only guy in sweats out there with a kid trying out a new toy." He'd almost said "the only _dad_ in sweats." Olivia knew it, too. She saw him catch himself. And it warmed her heart. She'd been looking forward to Caroline's Christmas celebration since Thanksgiving, but, suddenly, she was ridiculously anxious for it all to play out. She craved family.

While Ed and Noah went out with the scooter, Olivia showered and started getting ready for the afternoon and evening. The presents were wrapped, Noah's outfit was pressed, and Caroline had insisted on everything else. Olivia scanned her closet. Like Thanksgiving, the Christmas celebration was casual, but Olivia felt like she needed to look extra good, given that she would be seeing some of the Tuckers for the first time. Noah was wearing light khakis and a green sweater over a red and green plaid shirt. She opted for dark skinny jeans and a long, red, tunic-style top.

Ed and Noah returned almost two hours later, with apologies but having sent several texts and photos, and they prepared to depart almost on time.

"Traffic shouldn't be bad," Olivia remarked as she put the finishing touches on her makeup. "We'll just be a little late."

"Ma expects that," Ed replied. "But, ya know what? We're not ready."

Olivia spun around on her heel, "What?"

Ed reached for something in his back pocket and produced a small box. To Olivia's relief, it wasn't a ring box, but it was a box. "You need this."

Inside was a necklace, silver in appearance, but Ed had an additional explanation. "It's Titanium," he said. "The strongest metal in the world. And the pendant…it's an Irish infinity design. I like those Tiffany ones, but everybody has those. I had this one made especially for you. Somewhere in there," he twisted the bauble, examining it closely, "there's the Irish Gaelic three. Ya know."

"For the three of us," Olivia finished for him.

"Yeah," He strung it around her neck, closed the clasp, and kissed a trail along the back of her neck and along her shoulders. He admired her in the mirror. "Perfect."

"Yeah it is."

So when they showed up at Caroline's with a sleeping Noah and a newly baubled Olivia, Caroline was extra fussy.

"Give him to me," she insisted waving her hands in the air, "Give him, Eddie, give him, give him."

" _Ma_ , he'll wake up soon."

"I know, that's why I'm putting him in my chair. With his new train pillow." Caroline quickly produced a gigantic likeness of Thomas the Tank Engine, took Noah from Ed, and rested him against the pillow in her recliner. Satisfied Noah was taken care of, she turned her attention to Olivia's neck.

"Eddie! This is gorgeous!" She closely examined the infinity charm, "Almost as good as my gift." She winked at Olivia, "Yes, dearie, I drew you, well, I _chose_ you." With that, Caroline disappeared into the kitchen, barking orders to her assistants, leaving a bewildered Olivia in Ed's arms.

"Did you know your mother drew my name?"

"Not exactly, but I suspected it."

"We should've brought her something."

Ed smirked and shook his head, "She doesn't want anything. Other than to see Noah. She's been bothering me since Thanksgiving for us to come and see her."

"So why aren't we doing that?"

Maintaining eye contact, Ed confessed, "I was worried it'd be too much."

"That's my fault," Olivia said.

"No."

" _Yes_ ," Olivia insisted, "Yes it is. I haven't… _allowed_ …a whole lot. And I should have. I should have, Ed, because I've known you were good for a long time, I—"

" _Liv_." Standing in the middle of Caroline Tucker's too-warm cozy living room surrounded by cluttered Dickens village displays and dozens of wrapped and unwrapped gifts, Ed and Olivia were momentarily all alone. Except for Noah who was still snoozing in the recliner. The other Tucker men were outside near the meat smoker and everyone else was scattered throughout the house since the living room where all the presents were planted was off-limits until Caroline gave the go ahead. "Liv, let's not look backwards."

"Okay."

"Okay."

At least three Tuckers attempted to cross into the living room, but each person immediately retreated when they saw their Eddie's passionate liplock on the apparent love of his life. Both Oliva and Ed knew they were being watched, but neither one of them cared. Ed buried his tongue in her mouth and she kissed back with equal fervor, hearing but not caring about the occasional interlopers.

"Merry Christmas, Liv," Ed rasped as they reluctantly broke apart.  
"Merry Christmas, Ed."

"MARRY KISTMAS" Noah shouted from the recliner. He was cuddled with the Thomas pillow but had obviously been awake for several minutes.

The two of them turned to Noah, smiles on both their faces.

"Merry Christmas, sweet boy," Olivia cooed.

Noah wrapped his arms around Olivia's neck. "You an' Ed done kissing now?"

The adults shared a laugh. "For now, pal," Ed replied, "Just for now."

…

The gift exchange took a long time, particularly because almost everybody brought a gift for Noah. By the time Ed opened his gift from his niece, Noah was surrounded by a pile of toys.

Caroline addressed Olivia unapologetically, "We haven't had a little one around in a while," she explained, "So….you and Eddie haveta haul all this back to Manhattan. I'd say some of it has to stay here, to bribe you, but that's not nice. Olivia, you know you're always invited. Sunday dinner. Every day if you want. You don't even have to tell me you're coming.

"We know, Ma," Ed said.

Olivia squeezed Ed's forearm, "New Year's resolution. Hit Sunday dinner once a month."

Before Ed had a chance to answer, Caroline exclaimed, "I LIKE this woman, Eddie. She GETS IT!"

The whole family collectively broke into knowing laughter; Caroline's children and grandchildren, much to her displeasure, had gradually drifted farther and farther away from her home.

"Okay, well, we're almost done," Caroline said, "Olivia, that's your present there, dearie. Under Eddie's ornament."

One of Ed's nieces plucked the box from underneath the shiny blue "Edward" bulb and handed it to Olivia. She tore off the snowman paper and gaped at the contents of the box, a deep emerald green beaded bracelet.

"I noticed you wear something like that," Caroline explained, "That there is Connemara marble. It's six hundred million years old. Only found in Ireland."

One of the tween grandchildren screwed up his face, "Oh c'mon, Grandma. Six hundred million years?"

"Believe it, Jakey," she snapped. "Six hundred million years. Ultimate permanence. Hint, hint, sweetheart." Her eyes danced as she reached for Noah. "Come here baby," she coaxed, "Grandma wants a cuddle."

…

Noah had been dressed in his toy soldier pajamas well before Ed drove the three of them home. Like she'd done at Thanksgiving, Caroline transferred him into the PJs and rocked him to sleep, singing lullabies and soaking up the feel of his little body falling into slumber against hers. They passed the rest of the night playing board games and cards. It was very similar to Thanksgiving, only this time Ed wasn't worried about Olivia. Her smile and body language proved she was completely at ease.

Back at the apartment, Olivia placed Noah in his bed and Ed plugged in the Christmas tree lights. He had just programmed a Christmas music station on the iPad when Olivia emerged clad in red snowflake pajama pants and a white tank top.

"Be right back," Ed said, "Gonna get a little more comfortable."

Olivia looked him up and down approvingly when he returned in gray sweats and a white t-shirt. He immediately descended upon her lips, delving deeply into her mouth, desperate for her to know how much he wanted her.

But a song caught his attention.

"Christmas Waltz," he commented. "Sinatra."

"Yeah," Olivia said, eager for him to continue with what he'd started.

"Dance with me a minute," he requested almost apologetically, knowing she was more than ready to move to the bedroom. "Christmas Waltz. My Dad loved this song."

Olivia rested her head against his chest. "Okay. But I have no clue how to waltz."

"Me neither. Just dance with me for a little bit." Ed held her possessively and swayed them across the room. "Just, lemme hold you for a second."

Olivia clasped her hands along Ed's back, knowing "for a second" meant "indefinitely."

And she was okay with that.

"Merry Christmas," she mumbled into his chest.

"Merry Christmas, Liv. Merry. Merry. Christmas."

…

 **#Tuckson**

 **#Trilogy**

 **#NewYearsNext**


	3. NewYearsEve

**A Very #Tuckson New Year**

"I'm proud of you."

With the signature smirk on his face, Ed watched Olivia stow clean dishes and put the kitchen in order. He offered to help, but Olivia waved him away and suggested he occupy Noah instead. They played with Legos for a while, and Noah was now flying around the apartment on his Christmas scooter, waiting to be taken outside where he could really let loose and show off his moves.

Olivia pretended to be confused. "Proud of me?"

"Yeah. Three days off? I think you're finally getting a handle on the perks of being the boss."

"Don't get too excited," she warned, "New Year's Eve…young drunk people celebrating all over the city..."

Ed brushed off the implication that she could be called away from home at any second. "Squad can handle it," he replied confidently.

"I'm sure they can," Olivia retorted. "And I like Rollins there…she works a lot this time of year, I think…it's hard for her with all the bowl games."

Remembering Rollins' gambling debts, Ed nodded. "She okay with all that now?"

"Seems to be. But…I worry about her. It's an addiction…Always room for a slip-up."

"Not all addictions are like that." Flirting now, Ed leaned forward on his elbows. His eyes drooped slightly and his lips were pursed, obviously requesting a kiss.

Still acting oblivious, Olivia furrowed her brow and challenged his statement. "Which addictions aren't like that?"

Ed reached for her across the counter, "The one I have for you. C'mere."

They managed to exchange a few kisses, straining for ample contact.

"We're in the same apartment," Olivia whispered, her lips still on his, "You can come over here, you know."

"I kinda like to have to work for it every once in a while."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Nearby, Noah crashed his scooter into the table and chairs. The collision caused a stack of empty gift boxes to tumble to the floor. Noah looked up at his mother, perhaps expecting to be scolded, but she offered a little smile at the sight of him in his fire truck pajamas, barefoot on the scooter, which was now wedged between a chair and a table leg. The gift boxes surrounded him. He was trapped.

Olivia picked up the boxes, and Ed disentangled the scooter.

"Ready to go outside and take it for a spin, bud?"

Noah nodded.

"Alright, sweet Noah, let's get dressed." Olivia scooped him up and held him on her hip with one arm. It wouldn't be too much longer before carrying him like this would be impossible.

Before she took him away, Olivia grabbed Ed's hand. "You don't have to go to your place, do you?"

The hope in her eyes melted his heart, "Nah. Not 'til Monday morning."

"Good." They shared one of their heavy gazes, the one where a unique combination of adoration, appreciation, and affection pulsated between them. Both of them clearly entranced, almost frozen, it took Noah's impatient appeals to bring them back to reality.

" _Mommy_! Outside!"

"Okay," Olivia reluctantly released Ed's hand, "Sorry sweet boy. Let's get dressed."

…..

Holidays intensified Olivia's feelings for Ed Tucker. It started at Thanksgiving, continued through Christmas, and now, on New Year's Eve, the strong bonds forming between the three of them were unmistakable. Perhaps being removed from the pressures of SVU helped her see things more clearly. More likely, simply spending time with Ed confirmed that she was in love with him and in love with the idea that they could be a family. Troubling her were the "in-betweens"—the busy stretches in both their lives when she felt wholly inadequate as a mother and a lover. During these spans, she made sure to prioritize Noah, and even though she knew that was the right thing to do, she felt guilty about shortchanging Ed.

"Mommy! Look!"

This particular section of DeWitt Clinton Park was set up perfectly for a makeshift obstacle course. Olivia watched Ed walk the path first. He began at the Flanders Fields statue, wound his way around two trees, and then jogged straight back to the statue where Noah was waiting with a determined expression and a tight grip on the handlebars.

"Okay, bud. Ready?"

"Uh-huh!"

"On your mark! Get set! Go!"

Noah took off. He was still a little wobbly on the scooter, and Olivia was glad there weren't many people in this section of the park. She suspected the above average temperatures would draw a bigger park crowd, but the three of them were joined only by a smattering of people. On the straightaway, Noah picked up some speed and Ed caught him and the scooted just before he crashed into the statue's wrought iron perimeter.

"Good job, bud!"

"Wow! Noah, that was great!"

"I go again."

"Okay. I'll time ya." Ed pulled out his phone, knowing Olivia was probably rolling her eyes at him. He didn't look at her but thinking about her expression made him smile. At Ed's prompting, Noah took off once again.

Olivia stepped closer to Ed so their arms were touching. "Timing him, huh?"

"Yeah. He's probably gonna be at two minutes, but I bet, by the spring, he'll shave it down to around a minute."

She raised herself on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

" _Lieutenant_. Are you trying to distract me?"

"Not at all."

"You wanna go next? I'll time you."

Laughing, she replied, "I'll pass."

Noah rounded the final tree and barreled toward them. Olivia snapped a few pictures and then sent him on another loop so she could video record it. Ed reset the timer.

Noah took a few more laps around the course before it started drizzling. Fearing the cement would quickly become slick, Olivia suggested they continue along the path in the direction of her apartment. It was now mid-afternoon and she suggested they stop at one of the child-friendly restaurants along the way for a drink before they hunkered down at home for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Following the paved path, Noah rolled a few feet ahead of Ed and Olivia who followed, arm-in-arm, as he led the way out of the park.

…

A friendly server greeted Ed, Olivia, and Noah when they entered the pub and told them to sit anywhere. Noah reluctantly surrendered his scooter to Ed.

"Mind if we park this over here?" He asked the server.

"Not at all."

Ed wedged the scooter between the umbrella rack and the wall and slid in the booth across from Olivia and Noah. Perched in his booster seat, Noah gleefully pointed at the large television screen. The Citrus Bowl was being broadcast, and the camera zoomed in on the Louisville Cardinal mascot.

"Big bird!" Noah exclaimed.

"Yeah, bud! It's a cardinal."

"Car-din-al," Noah repeated slowly.

"The other team's the tigers," Ed explained, "Look for a big tiger, too. You know what a tiger looks like?"

Noah kept his eyes glued on the screen and nodded. "Have stripes!"

Olivia ran her fingers through Noah's hair and kissed the top of his head. "You're so smart, sweet boy."

"You know…the next trip we take. It should be to Orlando. Disney. Sea World. All of that. I bet he'd love it."

Imagining Ed Tucker in the middle of the Magic Kingdom with Mickey Mouse ears on his head made Olivia chuckle.

"What?"

"Nothing," she replied, still smiling, "I think that sounds like a great idea."

"Maybe in the next couple of months? Some Florida sunshine would be good in February."

"Wow. You're really serious," Olivia wasn't sure why she doubted his sincerity.

Ed pretended to be insulted, " _Lieutenant_. You should know better…I never say things I don't mean."

He was joking, but Olivia acknowledged his point. "No…no you don't," she murmured, thinking about the dozens of times in the past year Tucker said something that made her feel special, safe, and loved, all at the same time.

"Liv?" He noticed the cloudiness in her eyes as she lost herself in her thoughts. "You okay?"

"I'm good. I'm…great actually." She turned to Noah, "Sweet boy, you want to fly on a plane again?"

"Plane to Paris?"

"This would be to Florida."

Unfamiliar with "Florida," Noah scrunched up his nose.

"We'll see the characters from _Cars,_ go in a giant castle, go on rides, maybe swim with a dolphin…"

Noah's eyes widened as Olivia described the possibilities.

"I go to Florida!"

"Yes, sweetie."

"Ed go to Florida?" Noah asked hopefully.

"Yeah, bud," Ed reached over and brushed Noah's cheek with his knuckle, "That okay?"

"Uh-huh!" Noah turned a straw into an airplane and made a whirring noise. "Plane to Florida!"

Both wearing pleasant grins, Ed and Olivia watched Noah play before fixing their gazes on each other. Ed reached over, took Olivia's hand, and held it for a while. When the food came, Ed disentangled his fingers from hers, but not before pressing a kiss just above her knuckles.

…..

"It was nice of your mom to send all this food," Olivia unwrapped the breads Caroline baked for the New Year and turned on the stove to heat the stew she prepared. "Sure she doesn't want to come over?"

"Nah. She'll be in bed by ten. But I was given strict orders to make sure Noah fills up on everything."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Olivia replied, "He's been eating so much lately."

"Kid's growin' like a weed."

"Yeah he is," Olivia murmured wistfully. She grabbed a bottle of wine and the corkscrew. "Want a drink, Captain?"

"Yeah I do." He reached for the wine glasses. "Whadda we got tonight?"

Olivia examined the label, "Las Rocas. From Spain."

"Sounds interesting."

"Something a little different. Olivia deftly uncorked the bottle and poured them each a glass. She stirred the stew and tested the temperature. "Not quite ready yet. Let's sit."

They settled in on the sofa. Ed sat on the end and Olivia sat beside him, content to spend the rest of the evening in his arms. On the television, revelers in Times Square danced and drank and screamed for the cameras. Noah stood in front of the coffee table, mesmerized by the action. In between the musical performances and celebrity interviews, the hosts interviewed random people in the crowd and asked about their resolutions for 2017.

"Alright, Benson," Ed said in his IAB voice, "Let's talk resolutions."

Olivia laughed nervously. "Okay."

A few minutes passed and the only noise in the apartment came from the television.

"Well?" He asked.

"I think you should go first."

Ed cleared his throat. "I only have one. To spend more time with you and Noah."

The statement rolled off his tongue so casually, Olivia didn't fully process its weighty meaning right away. His resolution wasn't totally _his_.

"That would be nice," she said, trying to buy some time to think of a better response. "I…I want that, too. I feel like I very rarely have enough time with Noah. And with you."

Ed moved so they were sitting face-to-face. "What if you didn't have to worry about that?"

Olivia felt goosebumps form everywhere on her body and her hands trembled. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I want the three of us to be… _us_ …a real, permanent thing, so you don't have to worry about who's not getting enough time with you. I want to be here, _always_ , for you and for Noah. He needs to know that too, as much as you do."

" _Ed_." Tears were welling in her eyes now and she swiped her index finger along her lower lashes.

"Liv," Ed continued softly, hoping he hadn't made a mistake by delving into serious relationship matters on what had been a light-hearted, fun day, "We're…we have tough jobs, busy, difficult jobs, you especially, but those jobs aren't going to be around forever. We…you, me, Noah, _we_ can be forever if you want."

"I want that too," Olivia managed to croak out, "But that doesn't change reality, Ed. When things get so crazy and busy, I feel like I'm spread so thin. Somebody always loses. And that's not fair to you."

"When things get crazy, I want you to ask for my help," Ed took a deep breath, "Let me in, Liv. _Totally_ in. I know you still feel like the bottom's gonna drop out, but I _promise_ you it's not."

"Well, Ed Tucker," A hint of a smile formed on Olivia's face and she leaned forward, bracing herself on Ed's thighs, "Making New Year's resolutions sure is easy when you're around…"

They exchanged a few innocent kisses, smiling with their lips pressed together. Olivia finally collapsed against his chest, and they fell into a tight embrace.

"Stew's probably ready," Olivia whispered.

"Probably," Ed rasped.

He showed no sign of letting her go.

…

 **#Tuckson**


End file.
